fear

I no longer
Look forward to waking up each day
You have filled each day with disappointment
Killing hope slowly
With words

The phone, it’s ringing
And I can see it’s you
I have lost the courage
To pick up and say “hello”
Instead I’ve begun to like the silence
when the ringing stops

the certainty that comes with it
eludes our intermittent exchanges

I’ve grown weary
of waiting for your love
instead there are meaningless liaisons
between us
some which makes the phone stop ringing for days
halts contact in its track
and conversations difficult
we walk on egg shells around each other
too frightened to say
what each of us
does not want to hear
until, I give in, and let it pass without comment

Today, I contemplate my future in silence
And I have to say
I am frightened for me

Sashikala Premawardhane

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Do I stay or do I go?

Do I stay or do I go?

Leave you alone

Knowing
I am meant
To hold you close to my heart
Keep you safe from harm
Even if means
my heart must break
and I must shed a thousand tears
over and over again

When night comes
I resolve
to leave you
when daylight breaks

Intuitively, you pull me close
Sensing my resolve to retreat
From your embrace
Holding me, gently

I have pushed you away
far away
so many times

You won’t go
And I won’t leave

we can’t do it on our own.

Sashikala Premawardhane

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

O, I am fortune’s fool!

O, I am fortune’s fool!

My days are longer than yours
Sometimes inordinately so
Especially when songs are playing on the radio
That reminds me of how we were together
There were never enough seconds in a minute, minutes in an hour or hours in a day
In those days

I wonder whether you have forgotten me
When the radio plays “it will rain”

Along the way
These one sided conversations I’ve been having
With you, in my head,
Have dried up
I’ve stopped looking for you at random airports
In countries you have never been
And obsessing over miraculous returns

I don’t believe in miracles anymore

You didn’t leave “some morphine at my door”
a “friendly drop to help me after”
or goodbye

Just the space in my life
Where you used to be

12 years have passed
and I am still struggling
to understand why…….

Sashikala Premawardhane

P.S. I miss you, John Benedict, R.I.P

Note:

Song referred to and quoted from is “It will rain” by Bruno Mars
Quotes and parts of quotes contained in the poem are from “Romeo and Juliet” by William Shakespeare

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Love Notes from Mars

Nothing hurts more
Than gratitude from someone you love
You should know this

The book arrives
saying
“Thank you! You are amazing!”

In one handwritten sentence
You’ve made a stranger of me

I only know this

You are an expert in the art
Of making me feel like
I don’t matter

I now have this book
With your writing on it
On my table
Mocking me

Saying …. “Thank you”
I don’t even know for what
Okay, maybe I do

and

I hate that.

Sashikala Premawardhane

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.