They said
in time
You will heal
You will forget
You will move on
I believed them
and for a time
I thought I did
I did

He said
When he kissed me
the first time
“after six years huh? How does it feel?”
I was too caught up to respond
Thinking
Why do I always get first kisses on the beach?
“You should seriously move on- he’s dead” he used to say
yes…. that’s what I was doing with him
moving on
I thought I was
I was

I felt so lost
It felt so right
I was torn

It dawned on me
Watching him sleep
That I had moved on
Too late to turn back
I was trapped
But he wanted none of that- none of me
I filled a gap
And that was that
Time to grow up
I know now
What it wasn’t
It wasn’t love
Not for him

Love is
The way your face breaks into a grin
When you see me
Lighting up
And me not knowing
What you’re so excited about
It’s only me
Coming over to say “hi”
And you running, grabbing me
Into a bone crushing hug
Taking my breath away
Holding me as if
You could lose me- if you let go
And me always pushing you away
Saying “can’t breathe”
And you saying “Sasha you came”
Yes I did love
I did
I still don’t know why
The mere sight of me
Made you smile so

I never saw that in him
So no
Get over you?
I never will.

Sashikala Premawardhane

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