Imaginary conversations with you
have become a habit
In them, I say things to you
I’ve always wanted to say
I’m brave and forthright
And you listen

Truth be told
I’m terrified of contact with you
I mistook someone else for you
On the phone yesterday
“heey” he said
and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach
beating furiously
for a split second
blinding spots appeared in my brain
you know- those white, illuminated, spots
I recovered
sufficiently to mumble a “hello”
and realize it wasn’t you
No- of course it wouldn’t be you- no- it wouldn’t

I felt awkward and foolish
Funny how you always make me feel like that
Probably why
I prefer talking to imaginary you

The real you
never really listened anyway

Sashikala Premawardhane

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