Someone you loved

Always hidden behind smiles

tears, in silence, at night

pain, that dulls, and resurfaces, dulls and resurfaces

randomly triggered,

you’d think, heartbreak is more mental than physical,

but, I can feel my heart hurting,

when I think of you

memories that have faded with time,

memories, that come alive,

You are that constant ache, in my heart

that constant regret ,

that helplessness,

that dark and weary sadness,

that emptiness,

that tear in my soul , with strings untangling , unraveling

that will not mend,

I’ve tried weaving in new feelings, new love,  thread borrowed from beautiful souls,

“The wound is the place the light enters you,” Rumi said

I’ve let in the light,

but darkness still persists,

a darkness that knows me beyond the light

a darkness where you exist

a timeless place where I will not reach you, but you are there, nevertheless ……

constantly, intangible.

 

Sashikala Premawardhane
15 September, 2019

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Is there still something love can do?

 

Is there

something love can still do?

I ask, smiling skeptically

he’s offering me his heart,

tormented by feelings, raw and new

his confusion is evident,

at my question in response to his offer to love me

Perhaps I’ve been loved enough to know

how love changes everything,

takes control, breeds carefree abandon, trust

until there is no more of you or him, but us.

that moment, where identities merge…….

 

I know better now,

slipping through like quicksand

these moments, melt, in time

never constant, always changing,

only to resurface, in my imagination,

feelings, that changed life,

life that changed feelings

creating memories, that never leave,

memories that change your soul

that gnaw at your being, when love leaves,

and you don’t recognise yourself anymore,

picking up, pieces of you, from where they lay bare

and you are left wondering…

 

Is there

something love can still do?

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

25 August, 2019

 

Note: Poetry inspired by song “Is there still something love can still do” by RADWIMPS  Album Weathering With You (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

 

It’s my life!

If you’ve lost the will to laugh
If you’ve lost the will to smile
If you can’t watch them theorize anymore
Fingers pointed at each other, in blame
If you’ve hung your head in shame, these few weeks
And feared forgetting them
Those that killed,
and, those that died
If the security checks are becoming the norm, yet again
If 30 years of pain is returning
And you don’t know what to do
How to help?
How to grieve?
How?

None of us must absolve ourselves
From the responsibility of those lives
On the one hand for letting our citizens turn terrorists
And on the other, letting the innocents die

Speak up
Raise your voice
Be involved
Make the effort
It could very well have been our families that fateful day
We count
We decide
We must be the change we want to see in this country
We must be each other’s shield
We are our destiny

I am my country
I am Sri Lanka
You are your country
you are Sri Lanka
We are our country
We are Sri Lanka!

 

Sashikala Premawardhane
28 May 2019

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

 

පිපිරීම්

 

ඉකුත් තෙසතිය තුළ, අප විඳි වේදනා පිරිපත

ඉදින් අමතක නොකරමුය කිසිදින.

සුන්බුන් අතර ඇති, සිය ජීවිතවල කැබලි

අසුලතිය නොනැසී ජීවත්ව සිටින දන.

 

වරෙක, මවක, පියකු, සොයුරකු, සොයුරියක,

පුතකු, දුවක, මුණුපුරකු, මිණිපිරියක, මුත්තණුවකු,

මිත්තණියක, මයිළනුවකු, නැන්දණියක,

නෑ සොයුරකු, නෑ සොයුරියක, මිතුරකු, මිතුරියක,

අසල්වැසියකු, සොයුරු රටවැසියකු වූ ඒ සියල්ලන්

සුන්බුන්ව ගොසිනිය.

 

වරෙක සිනාසුණු, හැඬූ, ජීවිතය ගෙවා ලූ,

ආදරය කළ සියල්ලන් කැඩී, බිඳී ගොසිනිය.

 

දෙවියන්ගේ ගෘහය තුළ,

අහර කිස නිම කරන තැන,

මිනිස් රුවෙහි පිවිතුරුබව

කෙළෙසා දමා ඇත.

අරගලයක යෙදෙති දිවි උදෙසා

රෝහල් ඇඳන් මත තවත් අය.

 

පාස්කු ඉරුදින උදෑසන,

ආවෝය ත්‍රස්තයෝ පුපුරන දෑ රැගෙන.

ත්‍රස්තයන් පැමිණියේ අප වෙතය

අපේ ජීවිත, අපේ නිදහස

බියෙන් තොරව විසුමට ඇති අයිතිය

ආගම ඇදහීමට ඇති අයිතිය

සහජීවනයට අප සතු අයිතිය

අපගෙන් උදුරා ගනු පිණිසය.

 

උන් පැමිණියේ ඔබ වෙතය.

උන් පැමිණියේ මා වෙතය.

උන් පැමිණියේ අප වෙතය.

සකල ලක්වැසි දන වෙතය.

උන් කළ දෙය පහසුවෙන්

නොමතක නොකරමුය.

 

පසු සටහන:

 

ඉදින් බිය වූවාට කම් නැත.

එනමුදු අප දිවිය කිසිදිනෙක

පෙර තිබූ ලෙස නොවනු ඇත.

 

පරිවර්තනය- නිලුක කදුරුගමුව

ඉංග්‍රීසි බසින් මුල්  නිසඳස රචනා කලේ-සශිකලා ප්‍රේමවර්ධන

2019 මැයි 13

 

පාස්කු ඉරුදින ත්‍රස්ත ප්‍රහාරයේ වින්දිතයන්ගේ මතකය වෙනුවෙන් ලියැවිණි. පසු සටහනෙහි ඇති වදන් එලී ගෝල්ඩිංගේ “එක්ස්ප්ලෝෂන්ස්” නමැති ගීතයෙන් උපුටා ගැනිණි.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Explosions

 

Let’s not forget, how we felt these three weeks

picking up the pieces of their lives

from amongst the rubble, are those that are left behind,

rubble, that used to be a mother, a father, a brother,  a sister, a son, a daughter, a grandson, a granddaughter, a grandparent, an uncle, an aunt, a cousin, a friend a neighbour, a fellow citizen…..

rubble, that once used to laugh, cry, live and love

dismembered, disintegrated,

the sanctity of the human form defiled

some in the house of God

others partaking in food, in each other’s company

others are still struggling for their lives, in hospital beds,

children orphaned

families torn apart…..

 

On 21st April,  Easter Sunday, 2019

carrying explosives

the terrorists came for us,

they came for our lives

our freedom

our right to be free from fear

our right to practice our faith

our right to peacefully coexist

they came for you

they came for me

they came for us

they came for Sri Lanka, and all Sri Lankans

let’s not so easily forget what they did!

 

P. S

It’s okay to be afraid

but life will never be the same

it will never be the same

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

13 May 2019

Dedication: Written in memory of the victims of the Easter Sunday terrorist attacks in Sri Lanka. The PS Note was inspired by the words of Ellie Goulding’s song “Explosions” and borrowed directly therefrom….

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

 

 

Demons

 

Balmy island nights,

frangipani wafting through the air,

monsoon showers falling from the sky,

screeching down, amidst angry thunder, and lightening, tearing through the clouds,

running, spiraling, downward

towards the sun battered grass,

afraid of what is to come

we watch each other, circling, like the birds,

speak or stay silent, speak or stay silent, SPEAK OR STAY SILENT?

………………………………………………………….

There, I’ve said my piece, a whole dramatic monologue of my unfettered feelings

pent up for years, released,

I don’t know what I expected, to return to life, like the grass perhaps,

for reciprocation?

I’ve known for years what this is, haven’t I?

Maybe, I wanted it to end, the torment, the uncertainty, maybe

I took you by surprise, didn’t I?

I wrap up the demons, I just let loose,

neatly in a box, inside my head, they are always struggling to break free

you never saw them, just like you’ve never really seen me

the demons, they keep me company,

on balmy island nights

when, you are afraid to love me……

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

 

නිදි නැති රෑ

හමුවෙවිද නින්ද නොයන මේ රාත්‍රියේදී අප?

සිහින සොයා යන මග

අත් හැරියෙමි

අවදියෙන් සිටියොත් කෙසේ හෝ,

පැමිනෙයිද, මා ඉදිරියට ඔබ,

නින්ද, සිහින, හා ඒ අතරතුර, මේ සියලු තැන් වලින්

ඔබ ගිලිහි ගොස්, සායම් මැකී ඇති චිත්‍රයක් සේ,

කාලයත් සමග හදවතේ කොනකින්

විටින් විට මතුවන වේදනාවකට පමණක් සිමාවේවිද ඔබ

නැතහොත්,මා තුල ඇති, මා තුල, ඔබ  ඉන්නවාද?

නින්ද නොයන මේ රාත්‍රියේ

සෙව්වෙමි හැගීම් තුල සිරවූ ඔබව

සුන් වූ හදවතේ කොටස්

එකතු කරමින්

මම………….

 

සශිකලා ප්‍රේමවර්ධන 

 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

 

වියරුවූ හදවත

සිත තුල ගැබ් වී ඇති කිසිම හැගීමක්

වචන වලට හැරුනේ නැතත්

ටිකින් ටික, එම හැගීම් සිත වෙලාගෙන,

එළියක් ඇති හැම කොනක්ම අරක්ගෙන, කෙමෙන් ඒ සියලුම තැන් කලුවරින් වසා

නිමක් කොනක් නැති, මොහොතින් මොහොත වෙනස්වෙන,

සිතුවිලි තුල හිරවී ඇති විටෙක

දිගු කලෙමි ඔබ දෙසට මගේ අත

වියරුවී, මා තුල හිරවී සිටි මා,

නතරවන්නට මොහොතක්

ඔබ දුටුවේද එවන් වූ මා?

සිනහවී

ඔබගේ දෑත මත දෑත් තැබූ මොහොතේ?

දෑත් එක්වුවද, කෙළිලොල් ලෙසින්

හදවතේ අන්දකාරය හඳුනනේද ඔබ?

ඇසෙන්නේද , ඒ මොහොතින් මොහොත

වෙනස්වෙන, වියරුවූ, මාගේ හදවතේ හඬ?

 

සශිකලා ප්‍රේමවර්ධන 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

 

 

Feels like more

you said, “we should think about this….”

cos, it’s all wrong

this thing, we’re doing with each other

and that it is

 

this should mean less

than what it does right now

but why does it feel like more?

why does it feel like everything

and nothing at the same time

why does this make me feel like me for the first time?

 

Stolen moments, in the darkness,

where we can be who we really are, for a second

will I feel the same if they were not? stolen?

and you and I were

just two ordinary people, being happy with each other

or will normality mean

we would have to deal with

each other for a much longer time, out there in the light

where ordinary things happen…

 

and then, will we lose the words?

the yearning?

the torment?

the love?

and be forced to be other than who we are with each other?

You’re right “we should think about this….”

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

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