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Sashi's Space

Que fue el beso del final?

No happy endings

You used to turn it on
And off
At will
Vacillating between
Burning passion and
Cold indifference
Till all the steam ran out
Things got too serious
Some days when insanity hits
I miss the fights
The kissing and making up
The fierce, desperate, bearing of the soul
Overflowing
But just mostly
How alive all that madness made me feel

Don’t get me wrong
I was tired of always being unhappy and exhausted
And glad I didn’t have to be responsible
For how you felt anymore
When it was all over
There was relief
When the phone stopped ringing
And i stopped hoping
We’d ever amount to anything

I liked the quiet contentment
Of mundane life
And the familiarity of routine

Till the madness returned
Like the tide
Engulfing me
Afraid of drowning
I swam ashore
Left you on the seafront
So, you could be swept
Into the sea
It wasn’t easy
Walking away
Your voice was hoarse
From screaming for me to stop
The roles had reversed

Ours is that kind of love story
Where, parallel roads, rarely meet
And when they do
There is no happy ending.

Sashikala Premawardhane

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Like Chocolate

You said we should meet

I hesitated

Self-censured

Like that last piece of chocolate

I know I shouldn’t eat

mocking me

we both know how this will end

bittersweet

a bit more of the dark and bitter for me

a bit more of the sickly sweet for you

unfortunately

l can’t burn this off on a treadmill or a walking path

so I am undecided, for now,

two seconds later

there goes my resolve

and just like that

the last piece of chocolate

is gone.

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Demons

You need not go
Into that darkness alone
I’ll come there, with you
Here’s my hand
Take it
There’s no other way
You’ll feel less alone

I’ll go into that darkness alone
You needn’t come there with me
Don’t hold out your hand
I won’t take it
There’s no other way
With you here – I  feel more alone

These last minute morsels of affection
Still confuse me
And then I remember
That you have let me walk alone in the light for so many years
So why not in the darkness ?

I’m so used to this solitude
Darkness or light
With you or without
I’m walking ahead
Can’t let you -holding out your hand-
Hold me back
There’s so much pain in your affection and
so much comfort
In this unknown darkness
It’s compelling me

I can’t look back

Sashikala Premawardhane

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Soulmate?

Love left me at 24
Didn’t come back
Till many years later
Or did it?
Was that lust?
I got confused
Having been alone for so many years after
The lines blurred
Love had evolved
And I hadn’t noticed
I still believed in connecting from the heart
So lust left
As it must  when confronted
With an unyielding spirit
Trapped
In an iron cast past
That did not tolerate rust very well
Shunning these corrosive advances
I returned
Searching , among memories,
Looking for myself
Lost in a labyrinth of change
I had become someone other than me

The rust had taken its toll
The spirit lay wasted

Unable to heal
To return from whence it came

And love?
I haven’t seen it since ……..

Sashikala Premawardhane

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Just a kiss

You’re joking
With half a straight face
Peering into my eyes
Holding on to my hand
And I’m shaking my head
So that’s your joke??? Laaaaame dude, I say
But I can’t stop smiling
You’re pointing at my face
Hah!!!!! Seeee that was funny
Noooo!!!!!
Yeahhhhh!!!!
I can hardly hear you now, and my cheeks are hurting
I’m hanging on to your arm
And you turn
Sweeping me off my feet
Admit it baby- I’m your funny guy
I’m looking into your eyes, crinkling at the edges
You are holding me so tight
I can hardly breathe
C’mon, say it- you persist
Yeah ……
You’re my funny guy
And you break into a smile
Kissing me
My heart stops
For a second
I remember every little thing
About that moment
Your hair in my fingers
The texture of your grey T-shirt
The taste of your skin
Heavy breathing in my ear
Your half closed eyes

You pull away, slowly
You’ve stopped smiling

Things are not so funny anymore……;)

Sashikala Premawardhane

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

アンバランス

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x12e2u_kick-the-can-crew-unbalance_music

 

Why do I need it to have some meaning?

I ask myself everyday

Can’t some of it just be without meaning?

Without sense

Without direction

Just without anything

Just be what it is

Without a tag

Like you and me

We could just be

Why does everything in the world

Have to be labelled

Fall into categories

That most often than not begin and end with ownership

If I remove “my” tags

Father

Mother

Sister

brother

Lover

friend

husband

 

If you were not tagged as mine

Will we still be, what we are?

Will there still be love?

Will you still be on my side?

would it be any different?

This – what we are now-

will you feel

free?

Will I?

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

 

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Dangling

I thought I knew me
Till I saw you
At midnight, wrapped around her waist
Dangling, at the edges,
All woolly and warm
I shouldn’t have interrupted
Should’ve stayed, politely away
Talked after
You know been more civilized
Instead, I sauntered over
Asked her what she was doing with you
And did you know we were together
Looked surprised
And said
Didn’t he tell you that we’re together???
Thing is we’d broken up years before
Hadn’t seen you in ages
You fumbled, looked guilty
And I could say it was all over
She untangled herself from you
You pleaded, explained, said I was crazy
I smiled patiently
And told her
He always does this
But we’ve been together for years
And watched as she ran out the door screaming insults
It was funny
How all the woolly warmness turned cold in that instant
And I liked how it felt

I thought I knew me
Till I saw you
With her…..

Sashikala Premawardhane

 

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Stereo Hearts

 

Funny how

Wanting to love

And wanting love

I’m standing here

Kicking the grass

I’d rather

if you’d move a little closer

‘cos I just can’t seem to

Bridge this one foot or so between us

Stretching like eternity

I’m considering tripping

, falling over,

Spreading your arms wide open you say animatedly,

“It was this big”

I’m thinking of running into that space you’ve created

Right there, where your heart is,

Holding you for a second

Just to see if, all this, wanting love and wanting to love

You

Is real

 

Should I?

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

 

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

There you go!

Tonight you ask
With that half baked smile
??
Will you be there?
Maybe, I say
What do you mean?
I mean, maybe I’ll be there
And maybe not???
Yeah…..

You’re grinning now
Like a Cheshire Cat
You’ll be there, you say, and laugh out loud
Your hand on my shoulder
Willing me, to come
I can feel you through my shirt
Cocky confidence

I’m not so convinced
I should be there
I don’t show up
Unwilling to make the effort
To move from my couch

How come you are not here?
I thought …….your voice trails off
Good movie on Telly – didn’t wanna miss it
Oh……..
Yeah…..
Like I said….. Maybe

Some days you just have to
Let the game go

Take a cold shower – you’re not that hot

Sashikala Premawardhane

Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

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