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Que fue el beso del final?

Regret

I should have called you back

I got up
Off the floor after a half an hour conversation and you said goodbye
I didn’t want our conversation to end
So I waited till you walked home from up the street
From the telephone booth where you used to call me -10 – 15 minutes or so
That’s the time it usually took
I opened my dorm room door – millions of miles away in Kansai
The hallway was dark and frightening
Everyone was asleep
I had to go down to the lobby to make international calls
I remember it being icy cold and the elevator looking ominous – stony steel that night
I turned back – some unknown fear overtaking me
I reassured myself – it’s ok I’ll call him tomorrow
Between that time and early hours of the morning
You breathed your last
I will never forgive myself
For not walking out that door that night
Going to the lobby
Taking that call
It would have kept you alive
I can never call you again
Not today
Not tomorrow
I pick up the phone out of habit
Look at the number under your name
You are not there though
Not anymore
I can never reach you on that number
No goodbyes
Just silence
A gaping hole where you used to be
And questions that’ll never get answered
And my lifetime of regret….

 

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

22 June, 2020

 

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The wheel of misfortune

Have you seen a tyre?
Dark and gloomy
Hard and black
Without beginning or end
Whichever way you look at it
Heavy,lifeless,
it can take you from one destination to another, if you will
Depending on where it is fixed
But on its own
It doesn’t do anything
Until THEY find it

Have you seen this tyre?
sometimes burning, sometimes not
Adorning human necks
Garland of dark fear
‘83, ‘88/‘89, and now 2020
Maybe even in between
I don’t know
The harbinger of
Torture, pain,
The stench of which is a
Fearful, circular, call to death
It rises from the subconscious
Like the mythical sphinx
And fades, from memory,
As we let it
Scared to see what we have become
The violence we are capable of living with,
neatly hidden,
A few lone voices raised fleetingly
Barely audible
The collective will to forget
A moment that changed a life
That could change our course still
Or not

I have seen a tyre
Have you?

Sashikala Premawardhane
11 March 2020

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Dare to rewrite this

You can’t tell me
I can’t ask you
For fear that
We will break us
Into a thousand pieces
Somehow
We’ve created a safe place
A space where we exist

I can hear your hurt
Through the words that haven’t been said
The heavy silences
The unspoken truths
The hesitation

Both unwilling to let go
Knowing, fearful, aware
Of what this could be
Recognition of souls
Who have known each other
In countless lifetimes
A sense of belonging created
Effortlessly
We watch each other
Hesitating….
Ties with others before and during all this, slowly ending,
After the storms within subside

Dare we rewrite this story ?

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

7th March 2020

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You and I transactions

We connect

you and I

over distance and time

and on some days

we can disconnect just as simply

create the digital divide

‘cos

this, exists more

in the imaginary realm

Than it does in real life

safer, behind screens, where

emotions are created rather than felt

less to lose , more to gain

Online –

offline

modern day lovin’

Less for the heart

more for the mind

illusions

soul-less ego-games

you and I transactions

killin’ time.

 

Sashikala Premawardhane
20 February, 2020

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Someone you loved

Always hidden behind smiles

tears, in silence, at night

pain, that dulls, and resurfaces, dulls and resurfaces

randomly triggered,

you’d think, heartbreak is more mental than physical,

but, I can feel my heart hurting,

when I think of you

memories that have faded with time,

memories, that come alive,

You are that constant ache, in my heart

that constant regret ,

that helplessness,

that dark and weary sadness,

that emptiness,

that tear in my soul , with strings untangling , unraveling

that will not mend,

I’ve tried weaving in new feelings, new love,  thread borrowed from beautiful souls,

“The wound is the place the light enters you,” Rumi said

I’ve let in the light,

but darkness still persists,

a darkness that knows me beyond the light

a darkness where you exist

a timeless place where I will not reach you, but you are there, nevertheless ……

constantly, intangible.

 

Sashikala Premawardhane
15 September, 2019

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Is there still something love can do?

 

Is there

something love can still do?

I ask, smiling skeptically

he’s offering me his heart,

tormented by feelings, raw and new

his confusion is evident,

at my question in response to his offer to love me

Perhaps I’ve been loved enough to know

how love changes everything,

takes control, breeds carefree abandon, trust

until there is no more of you or him, but us.

that moment, where identities merge…….

 

I know better now,

slipping through like quicksand

these moments, melt, in time

never constant, always changing,

only to resurface, in my imagination,

feelings, that changed life,

life that changed feelings

creating memories, that never leave,

memories that change your soul

that gnaw at your being, when love leaves,

and you don’t recognise yourself anymore,

picking up, pieces of you, from where they lay bare

and you are left wondering…

 

Is there

something love can still do?

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

25 August, 2019

 

Note: Poetry inspired by song “Is there still something love can still do” by RADWIMPS  Album Weathering With You (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

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It’s my life!

If you’ve lost the will to laugh
If you’ve lost the will to smile
If you can’t watch them theorize anymore
Fingers pointed at each other, in blame
If you’ve hung your head in shame, these few weeks
And feared forgetting them
Those that killed,
and, those that died
If the security checks are becoming the norm, yet again
If 30 years of pain is returning
And you don’t know what to do
How to help?
How to grieve?
How?

None of us must absolve ourselves
From the responsibility of those lives
On the one hand for letting our citizens turn terrorists
And on the other, letting the innocents die

Speak up
Raise your voice
Be involved
Make the effort
It could very well have been our families that fateful day
We count
We decide
We must be the change we want to see in this country
We must be each other’s shield
We are our destiny

I am my country
I am Sri Lanka
You are your country
you are Sri Lanka
We are our country
We are Sri Lanka!

 

Sashikala Premawardhane
28 May 2019

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පිපිරීම්

 

ඉකුත් තෙසතිය තුළ, අප විඳි වේදනා පිරිපත

ඉදින් අමතක නොකරමුය කිසිදින.

සුන්බුන් අතර ඇති, සිය ජීවිතවල කැබලි

අසුලතිය නොනැසී ජීවත්ව සිටින දන.

 

වරෙක, මවක, පියකු, සොයුරකු, සොයුරියක,

පුතකු, දුවක, මුණුපුරකු, මිණිපිරියක, මුත්තණුවකු,

මිත්තණියක, මයිළනුවකු, නැන්දණියක,

නෑ සොයුරකු, නෑ සොයුරියක, මිතුරකු, මිතුරියක,

අසල්වැසියකු, සොයුරු රටවැසියකු වූ ඒ සියල්ලන්

සුන්බුන්ව ගොසිනිය.

 

වරෙක සිනාසුණු, හැඬූ, ජීවිතය ගෙවා ලූ,

ආදරය කළ සියල්ලන් කැඩී, බිඳී ගොසිනිය.

 

දෙවියන්ගේ ගෘහය තුළ,

අහර කිස නිම කරන තැන,

මිනිස් රුවෙහි පිවිතුරුබව

කෙළෙසා දමා ඇත.

අරගලයක යෙදෙති දිවි උදෙසා

රෝහල් ඇඳන් මත තවත් අය.

 

පාස්කු ඉරුදින උදෑසන,

ආවෝය ත්‍රස්තයෝ පුපුරන දෑ රැගෙන.

ත්‍රස්තයන් පැමිණියේ අප වෙතය

අපේ ජීවිත, අපේ නිදහස

බියෙන් තොරව විසුමට ඇති අයිතිය

ආගම ඇදහීමට ඇති අයිතිය

සහජීවනයට අප සතු අයිතිය

අපගෙන් උදුරා ගනු පිණිසය.

 

උන් පැමිණියේ ඔබ වෙතය.

උන් පැමිණියේ මා වෙතය.

උන් පැමිණියේ අප වෙතය.

සකල ලක්වැසි දන වෙතය.

උන් කළ දෙය පහසුවෙන්

නොමතක නොකරමුය.

 

පසු සටහන:

 

ඉදින් බිය වූවාට කම් නැත.

එනමුදු අප දිවිය කිසිදිනෙක

පෙර තිබූ ලෙස නොවනු ඇත.

 

පරිවර්තනය- නිලුක කදුරුගමුව

ඉංග්‍රීසි බසින් මුල්  නිසඳස රචනා කලේ-සශිකලා ප්‍රේමවර්ධන

2019 මැයි 13

 

පාස්කු ඉරුදින ත්‍රස්ත ප්‍රහාරයේ වින්දිතයන්ගේ මතකය වෙනුවෙන් ලියැවිණි. පසු සටහනෙහි ඇති වදන් එලී ගෝල්ඩිංගේ “එක්ස්ප්ලෝෂන්ස් නමැති ගීතයෙන් උපුටා ගැනිණි.

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Explosions

 

Let’s not forget, how we felt these three weeks

picking up the pieces of their lives

from amongst the rubble, are those that are left behind,

rubble, that used to be a mother, a father, a brother,  a sister, a son, a daughter, a grandson, a granddaughter, a grandparent, an uncle, an aunt, a cousin, a friend a neighbour, a fellow citizen…..

rubble, that once used to laugh, cry, live and love

dismembered, disintegrated,

the sanctity of the human form defiled

some in the house of God

others partaking in food, in each other’s company

others are still struggling for their lives, in hospital beds,

children orphaned

families torn apart…..

 

On 21st April,  Easter Sunday, 2019

carrying explosives

the terrorists came for us,

they came for our lives

our freedom

our right to be free from fear

our right to practice our faith

our right to peacefully coexist

they came for you

they came for me

they came for us

they came for Sri Lanka, and all Sri Lankans

let’s not so easily forget what they did!

 

P. S

It’s okay to be afraid

but life will never be the same

it will never be the same

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

13 May 2019

Dedication: Written in memory of the victims of the Easter Sunday terrorist attacks in Sri Lanka. The PS Note was inspired by the words of Ellie Goulding’s song “Explosions” and borrowed directly therefrom….

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