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Que fue el beso del final?

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Poetry

Looking for my Saviour

 

There’s no one to save you

from yourself

just you,

No twist in this tale,

no dramatic beginning or end

all that,

has come, and gone

what’s left

are the imprints,  of broken promises

much of which

you’ve made to yourself

of how things are going to be,

that perfect everything, that was supposed to be your life,

if you so choose, you can erase them all,

or not,

leave them, lying in parts,

or not,

or start anew,

It’s up to you,

repeating this to myself, doesn’t help

I am difficult to convince

I find

captured by the constant duel

between the heart and the mind

I remain trapped

in an unconquerable time warp that’s

mocking me ……….

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

26 May, 2018

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The Meeting Place

 

Is it enough

these silences,

will they, tell you, what words will not say,

will you, divine the meaning, of these wordless words,

and will I remain, with these silences, forever….

will you

be there when I cross over?

with your hands on your hips and that crooked grin

longing eyes and bone crushing hugs

those moments we took for granted, fleeting moments

of love

that, reach back and forth, through that space between here and the hereafter

that place, where all unforgettable love reside,

trapped in a kaleidoscope

yearning, to be set free,

from rules that govern, life and death,

that transcendental place, where you and I

meet

and yet, cannot…..

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

24 May, 2018

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කවිය හා අප

කවිය හා එහි රසය
තේරුම්ගැනීමට නොහැකිව
ඔබ මගෙන් ප්‍රශ්න නැගුවේ
නළල රැලි ගසා, ඇස් දෙකද පුංචි කොට
“සශී , what does it all mean though? I don’t understand a thing” කියාය…..
ඒ කෙසේ විය හැකිද?
අනෙකුත් සියලුම දෑ පිළිබඳව
අදහස් ගැලපුනද
කවිය ගැන ඔබට අදහසක් නොතොබීම ගැන මම පුදුම වුනෙමි
“Is it something that happened to you?'”
“Is this about you?”
කුතුහල වැඩි වී ගිය කල
ඔබ කට කොනින් සිනාසී
සමච්චලයට මෙන්, තවදුරට ප්‍රශ්න කර
අත් දෙකද උඩට දමා
පුටුව මත දිගා වී
මා දෙස එක එල්ලේ බලා සිටියේ
පිටසක්වල ජීවියෙක් දුටුවා මෙනි
දෙදෙනා මොහතකින් ආගන්තුකයන් කල
ඒ වචන ස්වල්පය අභිබවා
යා හැකිද?
නතර වේවිද නැත්නම් , මෙතනම,
අතරමං වී, කවිය , හා අප?

සශිකලා ප්‍රේමවර්ධන
2016 නොවැම්බර් 9 දින

Monsters

There’s a darkness

That will not m/end

Swiveling, inside

Faster and faster and faster

And you can almost miss me sitting here

The real me, I mean

Through all this talk and laughter

The spinning –that- just doesn’t stop

This darkness that owns me

And, that I own

Is consistently around

A shadowy companion

Tethered to my being

Always mocking my attempts

at switching on the lights

crawling out of the abyss

the familiar depths

which have become

safe, comfortable

and mine….

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

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Proof of Life

 

I found our lives on a 5 minute 26 second video

It took me back

To the pain

I’ve kept, neatly stacked, somewhere

In my soul

In there, you are still 25

I am still 24

Every fibre screaming of young, desperate, love

Us against the world

You’re coursing through every cell

Even decades later

How alive you seem

Inside me

 

Those moments

we spent, long forgotten,

are forever, flowing, somewhere

in my being

They are fireflies, lighting up my, dark and dreary bloodstream

proof beyond the physical existence of you and me

proof that we share

some inexplicable shared destiny

as yet undiscovered,

and as yet, undefined

traveling towards

an unwritten conclusion

You & I

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

 

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Trapped

You smell like sandalwood, you say
Is it?
What?
Sandalwood?
Uh… No..,,
Maybe it’s my perfume
It has woody undertones I think, I say, shrugging my shoulders
I can’t get it out of my head
You say looking into my eyes
You know, very different from what I’m used to
Yeah??
Yeah!!!
Is it something very Sri Lankan? Smelling like sandalwood??? You ask wide eyed
I don’t know really
It’s intoxicating
It’s always there when you are around
I can say its you, you know, even before you walk in the door

You seem trapped by it,
Wondering what on earth you are talking about
I stop and smell my hands
Just smells like me , I say
The sandalwood must be someone else
I laugh and walk away

I like it though
The thought of sandalwood smelling me
And your confusion

Sashikala Premawardhane

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“Inspirational quotes”

“Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead”- Adele

________________________________________________________________________________

Inspirational quotes

Spring to life

Post break-up

Plastered on status updates

They proliferate

Like the nuclear arms race

Stacking up

On either side

There are no- more- conversations

Just these quotes that build up

Higher and higher and higher

O’ the moral high ground !!!!!

Deterrent measures

Preventing the outbreak of the war of hearts

Not too dissimilar

To nuclear weapons

Best avoided

Best left rotting with their delivery systems

Just like all those things

That never got said

Contaminating peace- of- mind

Ever the threat of an explosion

Hovering

 

Sashikala Premawardhane

 

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Stay

Almost dawn
Unsure of what I want
I’m getting up to leave
Picking up pieces of me
That lay scattered
On your bedroom floor
Words from you
Penetrated this wall I built
Brick by brick
I’m easily shattered
By your smooth talk
I take leave of my intelligence
As you stoke the fires of my ego
The need to be admired?? Loved??? Romanced???
I’m not sure, which,
Makes me easy – when it comes to you
Somewhere , deep within, I know this
Even as I walk towards you
And away
I’ve stayed for too long
In your embrace
Lying discarded
I pick up the pieces
Of what’s left of me
And put me together, again,
This one last time
I say to myself

This one last time …..

I’ll stay

Sashikala Premawardhane

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Vidya

Vidya,
I really didn’t want to see that photograph of yours
You know the one I’m talking about
It’s now etched in my mind
And comes to me on and off
Randomly, no rhyme, no reason,
No time, no season,
Just you, with your lips open
And your silent scream, forever stamped
Your legs spread wide, hinting at, the violence,
I cannot think about
That was executed
On you
There are no explanations
There probably never will be

Vidya
I prefer that other photograph
You know the one I’m talking about
That’s doing the rounds on broadsheets and online
Looking pretty, in that white uniform of yours
And plaited hair
I heard you wanted to be a journalist in some tribute a teacher wrote
Or was that somewhere else
I can’t remember
Some people are lighting candles today in your memory
I don’t think I’ll go for that
I’m tired of all the talk,
Of how things will change, should change etc. etc.
Nothing has.
You were still gang raped by nine
Doesn’t really matter where

Vidya,
Don’t expect people to remember you next week
The public’s memory is short
There will be some other tragedy
Some more brutal crime
And you’ll be forgotten
All those measures that are being talked about, debated
And the momentum galvanized
Will fizzle
This is the way it is
I hear they’ve arrested the brutes who did it
So they won’t be able to torture
Another hapless teenage girl- which is good
Or will they?
I’m not sure
See sometimes the law doesn’t really work
Why?
I don’t know why.

I’m writing this
So I won’t forget what you went through
And to remind myself
of our fragility
hers, yours, mine.

Sashikala Premawardhane

Note: This poem is linked to https://sashisspace.wordpress.com/2013/01/03/hers-yours-mine

RIP Sivayoganathan Vidya

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