There
I’ve said it
If you are not through with them
Then
You are through wit me
That wasn’t as hard
As I thought it’d be
All that talk of
The sad break up
Was just talk
I realise now
Said what you had to
To get what you needed
And when faced with reality
You run
Slam!
The truth liberates
The mind that clings
To things with no future
Slam!
And it’s all done
Sashikala Premawardhane
I told you
I could easily let you
Come inside me
It feels right
As if you belonged
Inside all along
Right there
Filling me up
I told you
I could easily let you
Feel my core
It feels right
Your fingers, your tongue, you
Inside me
As if you belonged
Inside all along
Right there
Filling me up
I told you
I could easily let you
Do all this
And more
It would rip my heart to shreds though
If I let you in
Knowing what I know
Who’s to say
I wouldn’t want that
Despite the heartache
Who’s to say
I won’t let you in
Let you fill me up
Let you break my heart
Who?
Sashikala Premawardhane
Take them back
Those words you said
That made me believe
In a life with you
Take them back
The way you took
Your hand from mine
Your entangled thighs
And your love
Take them all back
And when you say
“I meant it …. then”
The love you declared
I want to know
Where it all went
The love you felt
For me?
Take them back
And now when you talk
And rationalise
and say “we tried”
I feel the distance
That you force
On me
the hand of friendship
You so generously extend
I want to push away
So you know
That this has hurt me
But I can’t…..and you know that
Take them back
Those words you said
That made me believe
In a life with you
Take them back
The way you took
Your hand from mine
Your entangled thighs
And your love
Take them all back
Sashikala Premawardhane
I have no tears
For you I thought
After the passing of these years
Eight to be exact for third of January next
I was wrong
For you my love
There will always be sighs
And tears and smiles
And I love you- from me
Despite the passing of time
The dreams we spoke of
And the moments we shared
Seem to be from another lifetime
I am a different person now
Inside, somewhere though
There lives this girl, who loves you,
Adores you, and in moments of insanity
Believes you will walk in through that door
Take her in your arms and hold her close
I have no tears
For you I thought
I was wrong
Sashikala Premawardhane
Yesterday
Someone told me
That we should just hook up
It frightened me
That I thought about that for a moment
Before saying no
In that split second
I remembered
That on the Fifteenth of October
You would’ve turned 34
I was barely listening to him
Trying to convince me
I hated you for dying
For leaving me to listen to this
If you were here
Things would’ve been different
What have I turned into
That he could even suggest that?
He went on for a while
Before giving up
I thought
What would you have been like
At thirty four
I would’ve liked to have known you now
Twenty six was just too early
For you to die
Happy birthday baby
Here’s to you
My heart still
Doesn’t believe you’re gone
And turns to you for comfort
When people try to hurt me
How can a dead man’s love mean so much?
Sashikala Premawardhane
Who the devil is God?
What the devil is fate?
Why the devil is life a Karmic cycle?
people die baby
that’s just the way it is
ain’t got no answers
don’t know what happens after that
and don’t pretend mister that you do
looking into the Bible
and preaching to me about God
where the heck was he when you died
that’s what I wanna know
people die baby
that’s just the way it is
ain’t got no answers
I can’t say I’ll meet you in my next life
don’t really know about that
haven’t met anyone who has been there and back
don’t talk to me ’bout reincarnation
and things that you do coming back to you
I didn’t kill nobody
didn’t steal a dime
and how come
I had to see you dead at 25
lived my life peacefully
been a real good person
Fuck that!!!!
why the hell doesn’t God
ever give good people half the chance
people die baby
that’s just the way it is
ain’t got no answers
to life and its mysteries
and I ain’t gonna pretend I do either
all I know is
between God, Fate and the Karmic cycle
you ended up dead
Fuck that!!!!
Sashikala Premawardhane
Standing at midpoint
I thought of you
Cars whizzed around me
Honking at my madness
Yes, it would be nice
If it were all over
If some heavy vehicle driver
Ran me down
And never looked back
Standing in the middle of the road
In this traffic stopping moment
That felt like the perfect alternative
To taking another step to cross the road
And reach safety
You ran out of time
And I have too much of it
Standing here
I am exactly how I feel
In limbo
Life passing me by
Every step I take to join in
Brings me back to this midpoint
Sashikala Premawardhane
Metallic green beetle cars
Make me smile
Handwritten songs
On aerogrammes
In ball point ink
Smudging just right
Teddy bears
And home made videos
Racing motorcycles
And camping trips
Love letters
And early 90’s music
Guitar playing
And crispy chicken wings
Walking on the beach
Hand in hand
Sinking in the sand
Dancing naked
To slow songs
Your fresh, soapy smell
Cotton shirts
And pants that don’t fit right
Opening night at the Lionel Wendt
Watches that glow in the dark
Breaking your head playing rugby
endless narrations of Star Wars
and bouquets of roses for a lark
All that and you
and
Metallic green beetle cars
Still makes me
Smile
Sashikala Premawardhane
You couldn’t wait
To get through my clothes
And onto my skin
Exasperated by them
and their unwillingness to cooperate
you sighed
as if that would help
you get through this
In the middle of kissing me
You would stop and breathe
Lips still on mine
For the briefest of moments
And take me in
It was obvious
You had been waiting too long
For this night to end without
More skin being seen
Chocolate nipples arching
To meet your lips
thumb in my naval
and eyes trained
on underwear
being pulled off
all this while
wrapped up in unwrapping me
eyes half closed
are heavy with want
I’d trade it all
For a hug
And your hand in mine
More skin, more skin, more skin
It’s clear what you need.
Sashikala Premawardhane
Words you said
pierced my heart
blood turned to tears
flowing freely
I listen
Squeezing my eyes shut
You speak
With anger almost
And tell me repeatedly
How we can never be together
If we ever were to be with each other
For a longer time
You say you would tire of me soon
Once the novelty of the lovemaking wears off
Patronizing me
Saying how I’ll never
Find someone the way I live
You tell me to
Get out there
And make the effort
To meet someone new
“you’ll never get married” you say
Disapproving of my conservative viewpoints
On dating, loving, living
You tell me I should have left
And staying back was a huge mistake
Each word like a knife
Only you don’t know it
Pride won’t let me show it
I listen
And think
I can’t help how my heart feels for you
I can’t be with someone else
Even if you don’t want to be with me
I tell my heart to be quiet
And listen to what you say
Listen and learn
to un-love…..
Sashikala Premawardhane
